falling into flight

When my youngest son was in the second grade he told me that he started a club and he was the president. He named it the Chuck Norris Club and apparently they would walk around at recess “all cool, gangster style" (his exact words). All were invited to join. Then he showed me the walk. It was indeed tough and gangster looking. “There are...18 billion cells in the brain alone. There are no two brains alike; there are no two hands alike; there are no two human beings alike. You can take your instructions and your guidance from others, but you must find your own path.” -Joseph Campbell My son was creating the world he wanted to live in, designing his own experience and finding his own path. It may not come as much of a surprise to find out that our society and culture impacts our lives in many ways, much more than we are even aware of. Most of us desire to fit in and be seen as “normal”. We all want belonging. And the multitude of factors that contribute t...

After 9 days away from my life I had experienced much and learned many lessons.. These are a few of the take aways from my monumental journey: -I am capable of taking care of myself. I had a pretty good feeling about this but it sure was nice to put it to the test. I had a few snafu's happen while abroad (losing my passport for half a day!) and I was able to handle it Not to mention just being in charge of the planning, food, travel, entertainment, housing, etc all by myself. It was challenging at times of course but quite empowering. -I am brave. I had heard people tell me this......I was brave to leave the church....I was brave to be making all these changes in my life.......and I was brave to go on this trip I was taking. I had peripherally accepted that I was sort of "brave". But it wasn't until I was looking deep into my soul and into the eyes of these new friends, knowing I was loving myself and telling my whole s...

On my third day in Dublin the fog of anxiety and fear had lifted.  With my heart rate solidly in the normal range, the world began to open up with possibilities.  I was primed to apply these new concepts of bravery, vulnerability, authenticity and self acceptance.  My plan was to utilize these tools to find true belonging.  Not the kind that allowed me to belong to anyone or anything else.  I desired to belong to myself. Such a simple concept yet so much more difficult to achieve.   Those decades of distorted thought patterns in my head had been compelling me to walk through the world looking for confirmation that I didn't belong.  As a lot of us do, I was scouring people’s faces and listening to their voices for evidence that I was not enough.  And by seeking that evidence I was going to find it.  I could not keep doing that and expect a different result. "True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t nego...

Here I am Protected. Safe. All around are fences. Structures of logic and sense. Walls of rules and promises. Armaments of design and expectation. A framework to keep out hazards that put me in peril. Here I am Told what creates happiness and peace Explanations of what joy looks like Definitions of what goodness sounds like Clarifications of what is meaning Here is how you live This is who you should be Here is what brings value This is worth Here I am Young and growing Pure and full of love Yearning for all things beautiful and true I will complete this catalog of requirements This list of who to be Yes I will be THAT That which is expected That which is never questioned And on and on I go Here I am Protected and cocooned Inside the bubble of fantasy Knowing nothing of what lies beyond Does the slug know what exists outside my garden as it walks along the leaves? Does the fish know what occurs beyond the bowl in wh...

Practicing imperfection and vulnerability was a lot of hard work.  Every day was a new situation that challenged me to pause and translate my previous distorted thinking into this new reality.  I felt as if I was learning a new language!    Looking at the world with a whole new set of eyes was thrilling and joyful sometimes.  But it could also be exhausting and discouraging.  It turns out decades of thought patterns and practices aren't that easy to quit.  Thanks a lot mother nature.  This new perspective naturally brought about changes in my life.  Between how I spent my time,  who  I spent it with, what things were allowed on my "to-do" lists and quitting my job.....a lot was happening.  But you all know that famous quote by Einstein about how change is easy, right?  No?  Oh that's right...  Because change is DIFFICULT.   But I knew this was the direction I wanted to go.  I like to l...

Well I'd completed my first practice session and so far this openness and vulnerability thing was working out.  Despite the extreme discomfort, I was seeing glimpses of what life could look like.  A life in which I was really showing up and being seen was one that I knew I wanted. I knew that the more vulnerable and authentic I could be, the easier I could shed the weight of perfection that I'd carried around most of my life. But I had just put the seed of vulnerability into the ground and the little leaves were just barely starting to sprout.  There was going to be a lot of watering, feeding, and tending ahead of me required to grow this new plant.  One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, has done extensive research and studies of the concepts of authenticity and vulnerability.  Her TED talk --The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 35 million views.  That's what I call "hitting a nerve" in the ...